fbpx

Author - Journalist - Feature Writer

BUY NOW

Ancient bionic dung beetle discovered in Peru

801 Comments / / Short stories

Scholars have debated the mysteries of Machu Picchu, the Lost City of the Incas for more than a century, but a startling discovery has shed new light on the construction methods used to build the city, which the ancient Incas began constructing at 8,000 feet above sea level, atop the jagged green peaks of the Andes cordillera in Peru, around 1400AD.

Like Britain’s Stonehenge, the monoliths used to construct the city came from miles away, and until now, it was not known how the Incas were able to transport the boulders without the use of modern technology, and haul them up the sides of enormous mountains – particularly as, judging from the sizes of the doorways at various Inca ruins, the ancient Incas were diminutive in stature.

One theory was that the Inca’s slaves, the Quechua and Aymara people, consumed vast quantities of the hallucinogenic cactus known as San Pedro, and simply sat around hallucinating the rocks into existence, plopping them into place like a giant 3-D puzzle as they drank coca leaf tea and played El Condor Pasa on their pan pipes.

As credible as that theory first appeared, new discoveries made at an excavation site in the eastern corner of Machu Picchu have uncovered a rare kind of naturally ‘bionic’ dung beetle that could shift boulders as effortlessly as if they were tiny pieces of poo.

A further theory put forth by a stoned backpacker and verified later by cocaine-addicted archaeologists, is that the bionic dung beetles possessed a kind of suicide gene that prompted them to drop the boulder on top of themselves once the job was done, thus crushing themselves to death and allowing their crunchy little bodies to become the mortar that held Machu Picchu together.

Of course, this would make Machu Picchu a dung beetle cemetery, in addition to its hitherto assumed purpose – a hideout for virginal Inca priestesses trying to escape the clutches of horny Spanish conquistadors.

In a strange twist to these revelations, the multinational producer of agricultural chemicals, Monsanto, has now patented the ancient dung beetle suicide gene with the aim of cloning its DNA and transplanting it into anti-GM protestors. The experiment is designed to test whether the ancient Peruvian bionic dung beetle suicide gene would prompt the protestors to crush themselves to death under the weight of their own convictions.

If successful, Monsanto would campaign to have all of the world’s environmentalists genetically modified with the dung beetle suicide gene, for the protection of those in favour of seeing one company monopolise global agriculture and put an end to organic food production as we know it.

A spokesperson from Monsanto said he was delighted to have won the patent and is thrilled to add it to the company’s portfolio of suicide genes, ensuring Monsanto’s total domination over global food supplies.

Meanwhile, Inca descendants are angry with the Monsanto officials traipsing around what they now are claiming is a sacred burial site. They are demanding Machu Picchu be declared a UN World Heritage Site to protect it from further exploitation.

In response, Monsanto has said, “DER! Most people except the stupid Peruvians seem to know Machu Picchu is already a World Heritage Site, but regardless, silly things like laws have never stopped multinational corporations on their rape, pillage and plunder of the earth before. Our motto is profits before people, not the other way around!”

Carlos Hauntenepec, leader of the Peruvian Bionic Dung Beetle People’s Liberation Front, has petitioned the Peruvian government to make the dung beetle the country’s national emblem.

Said Hauntenepec: “The ancient bionic dung beetle represents the kind of work-yourself-to-death-for-no-money-or-glory attitude that we need to engender in our people if they are going to have any chance of survival in today’s world of economic uncertainty.”

You can buy my memoir You Had Me at Hola: In search of love & truth in South America here on my website or at Amazon, Booktopia, Barnes & Noble, Foyles, Waterstones and Book Depository. Read the reviews here at Goodreads.

Photo by Willian Justen de Vasconcellos on Unsplash

801 thoughts on “Ancient bionic dung beetle discovered in Peru”

  1. Pingback: telegra.phTechnology-A-linchpin-To-Maintain-Businesses-Handle-Remote-Workforce-Amid-Pandemic---Technology-02-16

  2. gate.io

    I have read your article carefully and I agree with you very much. This has provided a great help for my thesis writing, and I will seriously improve it. However, I don’t know much about a certain place. Can you help me?

    Reply
  6. gate io giriş

    At the beginning, I was still puzzled. Since I read your article, I have been very impressed. It has provided a lot of innovative ideas for my thesis related to gate.io. Thank u. But I still have some doubts, can you help me? Thanks.

    Reply
  9. gate io startup

    I am a student of BAK College. The recent paper competition gave me a lot of headaches, and I checked a lot of information. Finally, after reading your article, it suddenly dawned on me that I can still have such an idea. grateful. But I still have some questions, hope you can help me.

    Reply
  10. gateio

    I may need your help. I’ve been doing research on gate io recently, and I’ve tried a lot of different things. Later, I read your article, and I think your way of writing has given me some innovative ideas, thank you very much.

    Reply
  12. gate.io

    I may need your help. I tried many ways but couldn’t solve it, but after reading your article, I think you have a way to help me. I’m looking forward for your reply. Thanks.

    Reply
  14. gate io

    I may need your help. I tried many ways but couldn’t solve it, but after reading your article, I think you have a way to help me. I’m looking forward for your reply. Thanks.

    Reply
  24. Georgia3522

    Элвис Пресли, безусловно, один из наиболее влиятельных музыкантов в истории. Родившийся в 1935 году, он стал иконой рок-н-ролла благодаря своему харизматичному стилю и неповторимому голосу. Его лучшие песни, такие как “Can’t Help Falling in Love”, “Suspicious Minds” и “Jailhouse Rock”, стали классикой жанра и продолжают восхищать поклонников по всему миру. Пресли также известен своими выдающимися выступлениями и актёрским талантом, что сделало его легендой не только в музыке, но и в кинематографе. Его наследие остается живым и вдохновляет новые поколения артистов. Скачать музыку 2024 года и слушать онлайн бесплатно mp3.

    Reply
  29. Finn3361

    Ace of Base — шведская поп-группа, образованная в 1990 году. Их музыкальный стиль сочетает в себе элементы поп-музыки, дэнса и электроники. Группа стала популярной благодаря хитам “All That She Wants”, “The Sign”, “Don’t Turn Around” и “Beautiful Life”. Эти композиции не только покорили чарты во многих странах мира, но и остаются классикой жанра до сих пор. Ace of Base оставили неизгладимый след в истории поп-музыки, их мелодии до сих пор радуют слушателей по всему миру. Скачать музыку 2024 года и слушать онлайн бесплатно mp3.

    Reply

A penny for your thoughts?

Author – Journalist – Feature Writer

Facebook-f Instagram Youtube Goodreads-g

Copyright © Leigh Robshaw 2024